leekheechuan
… extract from chat session ( sorry for the improper English )
May: yes……..everything is fine with me! but for my niece still no improvement!
Khee Chuan Lee: u mean she still scared of going to school?
may: yup!
Khee Chuan Lee: can find out what’s the REAL reason... sometimes may be her teacher is very fierce.. or…
may: in fact…..majority of the school teachers r very kind to her. May b 1 or 2 of the teacher is quite fierce. but she still refused to go……..
may: do u need think she need to consult any doc o……
Khee Chuan Lee: … have to talk to her nicely and find out her reason.. well, must talk to her & treat her as adult, cannot use nice tone of voice just for a while and then if she doesn’t to talk further, then use angry voice. if she does not want to talk, just leave it for a while and try nice another time, just treat her like an adult friend
Khee Chuan Lee: if u want o consult doc, better
may: ai……..the problem is her parents very impatient!!! so hw?? my mom ady tried their best tat she can. talk to her nicely n followed what she wants………..but am thinking is it bcoz of that my niece take for granted??
Khee Chuan Lee: can’t comment much at this point, because have not seen your niece
may: ok……i hv such thinking is bcoz quite a number of people said like tat, n they found my niece is too pampered……..
Khee Chuan Lee: may be, i think most children are, mine also, the only way is to talk to her as an adult.. she will FEEL that she is being respected, u see. then she will have more confidence in herself & feel that other people also have confidence in her
may: ya……..i think so. as from my observation if we talk to her nicely she will behave very good………but when we raised up our voice. she will not listen to us at all…….and this the problem also………not everyone at home can be so patient to her…….u know………even when she did something wrong…….she will not admit n u jus cant claim tat she is wrong…
Khee Chuan Lee: now u get my point… people, especially children REACT to adults behavior. So the easiest way for adults/parents is to mentally treat the child as an ADULT, then talk to her as ADULT, then your voice will be different. if possible, talk with the child at same eye level, meaning adult squat down and talk to her at the same eye level.. Meaning psychologically both are Adults and talking at the same level..
may: well……….we nov talk with her at same eye level…….may b we shoud try tat nw onwards n i wl convey tis message to everyone at home , too…….
Khee Chuan Lee: ya, it take a bit of practice and SELF-AWARENESS that we the adults’ behavior will elicit different behavior from children.. for others to change we must change first.
Khee Chuan Lee: don’t mind, i post this content on my blog? i even have friends who’re teachers say she find what i discuss useful for her as a mother too..
may : of course i dun mind………i believe nowadays a lot of parents having the same problem to communicate with their children……
Khee Chuan Lee: ha ha ur 100% right
may: cos nowadays the kids are much much smarter than in our generation, dun u agree?
may: but u r the exceptional…….
may: i dun s u hv any problem communicate with ur kids since u can understand them so ell, rite?
Khee Chuan Lee: in a way, yes.. b’cos i make an effort to understand how they think and communicate with them, otherwise.. i may ‘lose’ them when they are teenagers and when become more rebellious
